#61 Old Spot to Asses Bottom. July/August 2018

Friday 27th July 2018      Four tis thyme too depart tis Wonderful Land of two cheeses & t’ olde’ spotty pig, ov which our very own 1st mate be heritagely linked. Their bee know doubt on dat fact. No Siree !!   Aaaarrrggh !!!


‘Arbourly Docks be waived a Fond fairthee well two. A Fine Plaice it weir, butt we ‘av t’ go a chuggens, sternly two & through the extremely capaciousness d’aqua…..


Quitely shallow narrowness greets craft & crue upon departure o’ t’ lock, from le dock. A Good league oar so of curvaceous ripplings ensues, wading against a slightly pesky flow.



Sum personages just cannee spelt !!

It bee Cap’n  !!!

Aaaarrrggh !!!  !!!

Cap’n Black Bart  Aaaarrrggh !!!

And ‘is Motley Crue will ‘av ya guts four garters !! Aaaarrrggh !!!

P1250501Hour vessel eventually escapes dat tightly northerly East Channel,


making it safely int’ real liquid girth o’ Loveliness. Skip opens old Lister & pals up a tittle & We All Enjoy a Most Marvellous Swim upstream. The Severn miles & moor than a league (wid a quantum o’ fathoms flowed in f’ good measure) seas us making steady progress during muchly greenishness & udder colourings “to boot“, oar be it “to Boat” oar, in fact be it “to Bart !!!”   Aaaarrrggh !!!  !!!


As we voyagers pass Lower Lode we call Mr. L. Keeper, up ahead. Need to let ‘im no our arrival be quite imminent. Upper Lode Lock’s fascinatingly large chamber greats us int’ it’s welcoming arms (gates). Tis a pleasant ascension & soonly on hour whey agin. Tis butt a short glide roand t’ bend (which ya ‘av t’ bee in tis ‘ear Bart World anyhows) & waters meeting we Aaaarrrggh !!!   The Long Wide ‘Beast’ continues on it’s northerly sloshings, while Bart departs, waiving a drippy Goodbyes, tacking to starboard & taking the extremely indirectly north-eastern ripplings ov t’ River Avon.


Wonce we ‘av safely climbed the watery radius dat be t’ aptly named Avon Lock,


Tewkesbury provides a relaxing comfortations.

Saturday 28th July      So Wet & Soo Windy oat their. ‘orribles !!  Glad nb:Bartholomew Roberts 1682-1722 enjoyed pleasant passage from “Old Spot” yesterdays. Would knot want t’ bee oat their todays. No Boss !!   Naye  Cap’n  Aaaarrrggh !!!    We is OK ‘ere though. Safe & sound. Visitors be arrived. Cap’ns Bows & Blue Merle ‘av just terned up, in dat magic stealth mobile they is carousing aroand in these days. Knot shore who they marauded t’ feave such a Beast from !!  Tis a hunker down day, for lashings ov Fruity Broan Sauce bee’fore a real Mediterranean treat o’ Scrumptiousness d’salmagunchi & weir’d grog never ‘erd ov in tis world, weave know doubters !!

Sunday 29th July      So Windy & Soo Wet oat their. ‘orribles !!!  A smidgalls o’ déjà vu we is felines. Them visiting buccaneers come up trumps agin !!   The Stealth Monster can deal wid almost anytings. Bart, Lister & pals rest easy while crues of toes & paws a’plenty takes ourselves on a voyages o’ discovery, swishing through many wondrous  Cotswoldian Stows, Broads & F’Aaaarrrggh !!!  two many udder dolly mixtures o’ green & architectural delights to fathom. Shore is priddy !!

Monday 30th July      Marauding friends return four proper coffee & fruity loafs a’plenty bee’fore thyme gets t’ better ov us’all & ships ‘av to pass int’ nights !!  Aaaarrrggh !!!   Stealth o’ wonder disappears in a blur of mist & smoke bee’ fore poor old Lister ‘as e’en ‘ad a chance to wake up proper likely. Plaices to go. Picaroons to sea…..


Aft sternly manoeuvrings to play t’ faucet games, Bart swishes gently back (forewords actually Skip) passed hour neighbours & through t’ extremely large (knot) arch ovta wonky King John’s Bridge. Ain’t raining, although tis a bit ont’ stiffy breezly side still. Knot two bad though !!   All OK !!   We is Pirates Aaaarrrggh !!!


Tewkesbury marina waives hour vessel through fore safe passage int’ countryside. Leagues ov’ it. Delightfuls !!


DELIGHTFULS !!!    Most Pleasant girls. And You Can Stop Pogging !!!


Nigh on too leagues, undulating our wey bye Twyning, Bredon amongst udders leads we buccaneers t’ Strensham’s cosy chamber arising. Just a few fathoms moor gentile meanderings guides Black Bart Aaaarrrggh !!!   n’ all them udder chaps & chapesses  safely under Defford Railway Bridge


soonest followed buy a moor gracefully proportioned Eckington Bridge


weir Bart slides thru arch’ole & oat tuther side, almost blemish free. Tis a Joy !!


Eckington Wharf be a Fine plaice t’ rest. Wot a Wonderful Sight ToNight !!

Tuesday 31st July      Two weir shall nb:Bartholmew Roberts 1682-1722 ‘sale’ on this muchly finer morn ………  Aft relaxed ripplings a’wey from Eckington’s fine berthing pool, we just aboat manage t’ swish roand a very tight ‘Swan’s Neck’, buy Birlingham Wharf, followed bye udder, knot quite soo tighties, floating to Nafford’s neigh on thirty toe ascension.


Lister, olde’ Prop & chumlies Aaaarrrggh !!!  working togethers as always


t’ keep hour momentum most pleasurably along a largely extended ‘S’ bend stretched  oat o’er n’ear’lee too leagues. Lower Pershore Bay be just t’ perfect end o’ Bartly manoeuvrings.

Wednesday 1st August      Weir only a handful oar so o’ fathoms & Pershore’s deep chamber gushings Barticus to new levels & aft aqua’rest Cap’n Black Bart Aaaarrrggh !!!   spies a Most Splendiferous ov ‘arbourings fore an extremely (ha !) (Very Funny) well earn’t restfulnesses.


Aft a muchly kneaded slumberings & thirst quenching coffer break


tis thyme four sum serious brassings & varnishers o’ dose Marvellous sternly door panels. Pics knot available at thyme o’ going t’ vintage pressings.

Thursday 2nd August      Tis a delightful sunny day. Knot ‘ad many o’ them in recent days, weeks, months, etc..  etc….  ‘av we !!  Cap’ns Anders av caught up wid us agin. Fantabulous !!   Aaaarrrggh !!!  Just t’ usual partaking o’ grog n’ sumptuous see’food salmagunchi plus those BIG dollops of spicy fruity Broan saucing, all o’er !!!

Friday 3rd August      Yeh !!  YEH !!!   We is staying ‘ere. Staying ‘ear. Fore shudder day. Yippee !!    Just a trog roand town, picking up bits & bobs from ‘ear & their. Know’body notices hour bags getting a tittle fatter & fuller weir e’er we go.

Saturday 4th August      Fore. NO !!  Aft we must go. Reversings passed several staticky restful boats, we do. Just to facilitate that e’er thirsty aquatank. Niao we waive a teary goodbyes t’ this Fine plaice dat be Pershore. A Great halibut to visit, via boatynesses oar e’en udder vehiculars, know’matter how strangely unusual they mite ‘appen t’ bee !  T’ River Avon flows Bart & crue to


Wyre Loch d’rises, via York Ditch & then a sweeping curvature, bee’four dodging the delightfully named Tidal Widdle Island & Osier Island “to Bart”.


T’ River steers hour keelless watercraft almost under d’critters


& safely roand sum ‘orns as her ripplings weave dis whey n’ dat, repeatedly dizzifying for Cap’n & crue alike. Aaaarrrggh !!!


Aft choosing which ball o’wool to purchase. On We Go. The distances just while a’wey along this satisfyingly salubrious avenue d’aqua.


E’en though sum won bee trying to suck it all from us. A trio working together ‘ear. Knot write !   Cropthorne escorts we’all a to Fladbury & it’s


namesakely arising waterylift. NO !  Knot day !!  Tis the Weir ya Silly Foolings !!!


Dat’s t’ boatly water chamber. Skippet hath t’ make almost a fore footly leap off d’roof & scale a slummy ladder to show off her A-May-Zing Lock Keepering skills agin.


Just a few gentle swishings later & nb:Bartholomew Roberts 1682-1722 hath dropped anchor in Craycombe Turnly Pools. Lovely !!   We like it ‘ere don’t we maties  Aye !  Aye !!   Cap’n  !!!    Aaaarrrggh !!!  !!!

Sunday 5th August      So we knot staying putt today. Shame that bee. ‘av to come back t’ Avon & spend longer on her next thyme. Definitely !!   Sternly n’udder ‘S’ curvings hour watery path slowly stretches oat a tittle, t’ an almost


extravagant boulevard. Weather oar knot, it bee a Fine daylight thyme ongoings. Just t’ whey we like it. Eh !  Maties !!


Strike The Pose !!

1st mate reckons tis just Mutton dressed as lamb that won.


Weir almost arrived at Chadbury aqualift bee’four we e’en notice !  Silly Fools !!!


Linear traversings continuance wid only a singularly curl t’ starboard hither’two a strange phenomenon ov t’ twinly railway bridge. Confusing indeed. Skip n’ear’ly looses it wiv tis won !!  Luckily, 1st Mate steps up & calms tings aft downly. Just In Thyme. Could ‘av become quite messy !!    Barticus sweeps roand Evesham, wiv da River. Just is like dat. Know udder options on dis occasions. Evesham Weir helps d’flows as Bart tries to ascend the elevator. We bee transferring from d’ Lower Avon t’ d’ Upper Avon Niao Crue. Aaaarrrggh !!!   Tings suddenly become quite soggy. Bart fills t’ watery step. No’wear to go. T’ upper gate paddles (e’en worse than udders travelled bee’fore) send a torrent of ‘Arching’ water up, straight int’ well. At t’ front, t’ bow, ya doping fools you. That weir FUN !!    Thyme four miss moppings niao !!  At least it had  a good cleanly wash down. Dried & finely up,


Bart continues ont’ level, just ducking through t’ odd tunnel as & when.


O’er a league o’ chuggens later Tiny Tim helps hour final vertification d’Offenham (George Billington) ov tis day’s crewsings. Nice !!


Monday 6th August      Might be statifying these daylight ‘ers. Knot resting, mind. No siree. Knot relaxation. Cap’n Black Bart Aaaarrrggh !!!   He run a tight ship. Tis work t’do. Might be blooming ‘ot wever butt their be portside operations


including engine room door woodly rubbings (ready steady go) & sea’tbox paintings in d’well. A few tittle drillings to mount additional support brackets for both port & starboard sea’tpanels weir also carried oat. Said panels was starting to fail, so chunky brackets weir ‘acquired’ (we Aaaarrrggh !!!  Pirates !!   Aaaarrrggh !!! ) whilst walkings in Tewkesbury. Talking aboat Tewksbury, there weir a Great street market tuther Saturday when we was in town. Managed to pick up some Very Tasty Steak & Kidney puddings from Upton on Severn’s ‘Pudding Shop’ stall. The Best !!   Aaaarrrggh !!!P1250671

1st mate is very ty’red aft such a busy day of workings !!


Tink she might be comfortable enough on her cushioned sea’tpanel, with topper rug, shaded under ‘her’ fishing umbrella. Princess !!!

Tuesday 7th August      Thyme t’ chuggens upt’ Upper River Avon sum moor. Tis butt a short swim & Harvington (Robert Aickman) chamber ov’ ascension


moves us on thru moor calming meanderings. Skip be sightly woken up by a tittle ‘s’ tweak & then shocked int’ realisation bye a Big ‘S’ curvature.


Soonestly these Bartly swishings is blocked bye t’ BIG Marcliff (IWA) wateryfall step. Knot four two long though. Tack to port & Bidford reach relaxes chuggens fore the final strokes of today’s swimmings. Splendid moorings adjacent to the recreation ground allows 1st mate to try & cause havoc with all the land visitors to this popular plaice. We tink a tittle wanderings into Bidford will end the day quite nicely. Ole Yes !!  The evening weir just creeping steadily in’t gloominess when to narrowboats steam noisily int’ town. Travelling upstream two, they should knot really be crewsing this late in the day, particularly on a river. Won cannee moor just any’wear on such a waterway. Fools. Should ‘av moored much earlier, sum’wear bee’fore Bidford. Lead boat is AngloWelsh hire boat with noisy crue. Bidford moorings is all busy. Just so you know, upstream travel through Bidford Bridge be thru the right hand (starboard) arch. Knot the central arch. Oh !  Dear !!!   Hire boat makes fore the central arch. Probably too dark to sea the arrows on the bridge indicating t’ navigate channel/arch. Too Late !!  Hire boat be stuck half whey thru t’ bridge. T’ navigation channel is only deep ‘nough fore craft traversing through the South arch. Repeated High revved attempts to reverse off the very stony river bed fail !!  Luckily, a moored narrowboat nearby slips there lines, & aboat turns, reversing upt’ stern of marooned craft. With toe roap attached, Full Power !!!   Big Cheers & Hoops of exclamation ensue when the stranded boat be floating wonce agin, & hauled safely a’wey from the bridge. Hope they ‘av learned there lesson. Wouldn’t bank on it maties. We bet ‘That’ has knot ‘appened bee’four !!

Wednesday 8th August      Well, we cannee stay ‘ear all blooming week.


Got two crews. Threw t’ South arch o’ Bidford Bridge we swim. Very slowly. Knot that deep, e’en ear, for a Bartly draught. Oh !  Dear !!  We ‘av a problem !!!   We is thru, butt olde’ prop be Knot !!  ‘appy !!!   Knot ‘appy at’ll !!!    Know’wear to moor eaver. tried & tested reversings attempt t’ shift offending item(s). Knot working. Usually does the trick, on those very rare occasions we actually ‘av dis problem. Going too ‘av two struggle on. T’ next loch be aboat half a mile upstream. Lister be puffing. E’en wid high revs wheeze hardly moving. Inching forward. Hope we can get their, moor & go investigating down int’ depths ov t’ weed hatch. We eventually, painfully arrive. Lines secured, below Barton (Elsie & Hiram Billington) Loch, Lister winds down & Skip duth delve below & explore. Weed. Loads ov it. A mass warped roand old prop, writely tightly. Never sea’n old prop engulfed like dis bee’fore !!  It keeps a’coming. T’ end be nigh. Finally, all cleared oat, Bart’s underwater weed plate can be repositioned & secured wid t’ retaining crossbar. Screwed up tight, Lister fires up & be ready four t’ off agin. Chamber empty, Bart slides int’ (almost) empty watery lift n’ aft knot e’en fifteen toes craft & cru be crewsing horizontal like, passed Barton islet & marina namesake. Skip keeps Bidford Grange island to port during final approaches t’ Pilgrim Lock’s e’en shallower slimy aqua’step. T’ river maintains a moor calming curvaceous watery path as nb:Bartholomew Roberts 1682-1722 swims upstream to yet an’udder, muchly deeper Welford Choco (W A Cadbury) Loch, which swishes hour trusty stead along tighter, twistingly swirling undulations threw won ov t’ Binton’s Bridges, passed said ait & onwards, upstreamly. Intended moorings above Luddington’s (Stan Clover) chamber be flup, so Cap’n Black Bart Aaaarrrggh !!!   Commands ‘is crue o’ buccaneering pirates to crews moor. Find a safe, cove’ly bay weir we can anchor tonight. Aye !  Aye !!  Cap’n !!!  Aaaarrrggh !!!  !!!  

Weir Brake’s (Gordon Gray) slippery aquascension saves t’ day. T’ darklies really !!  Aft arising o’er thirteen & a half toes, hour luck be in !!  Anchored We Aaaarrrggh !!!

Thursday 9th August      T’ crue is be ‘aving a slightly laying tis morn. Last few crewsing ‘av bean quiet early starts. Knot dat usual roand ‘ear !  Aft a generous ‘er ov extra slumbernesses Lister hath woken us up bye tipping us oat those nauseasly swunging ‘ammocks & be revving doe twin diesel cylinders & nudging old prop, wid a tittle ‘elp from Newage. Tis butt a short chuggens, soonly passed Sausage Island n’ under road & five toed bridge t’ Stratford Trinity (Colin P. Witter) uplifting water chamber totalling n’ear’lee twenty five tittle pinkies.


Holy Trinity Church looks aft those many rowers & there slender craft whizzing up & down Stratford upon Avon Reach.


We travelling pirates & hour trusty stead a Fine anchorage four a night oar too. Mayhaps. We shall ‘av two sea !!   Aaaarrrggh !!!

Friday 10th August      Fine. We Shall remain Static on dis mixture of a day !  Tis quiet likely. Butt only thyme will oar mayhaps knot, tell. Dat might be d’ question. A brief foray int’ very busy Stratford upon Avon is dodged, in amongst sum showers of tittle water droplets descendancing from the clouding skies above. Yes Siree !!


Saturday 11th August      So we ‘av to leave t’ Most Glorious River Avon, on a


suitably Wonderous morn. Sternly gliding upstream for a brief aqua recharge


we progress on bye Ye olde’ RSC theatre, tacking t’ port & under aye surprisingly empty gongoozlers bridge (tis early skip), int’ Stratford Wide Lock.


Arisen, udder craft Aaaarrrggh !!!  ‘aving t’ wait patiently four t’ next lockings. Gongoozlers ‘av started to arrive, preparing themselves four a day’s boatly poggings. Knot shore weir nb:Bartholomew Roberts 1682-1722 will go niao…….


Tis OK Skip, we Aaaarrrggh !!!  floating amongst tuther craft in Stratford Upon Avon’s ‘istoricals Bancroft Basin. And, bee still early. RoxyChicKnits be open four business !!   Yeh !!!   Aaaarrrggh !!!  !!!

Sunday 12th August      Staticnesses shall remain as their bee Soggily mildy moistness.


Bart’s forely extension, signed oat from storage be erectly d’assembled, in a jiffy bag, at t’ request from hour dear Skippet. Crue can niao luxuriate in comforting splendour.

Monday 13th August      My, we Aaaarrrggh !!!  sticking aroand & RoxyChicKnits hath opened dem sternly doors agin. Kneads t’ bee dis whey, as we being fingered. In t’ pontoon sense ov t’ word.

Tuesday 14th August      Onward…….


nb:Bartholomew Roberts 1682-1722

Famously Fear’sum Cap’n Black Bart Aaaarrrggh !!!

& ‘is merrily motley crue Aaaarrrggh !!!  departuring

Bancroft ‘harbouring anchorages, Aye !  Aye !!  Cap’n !!!  Aaaarrrggh !!!  !!!

commencing a crews to weir we ain’t shore. Knot shore at’ll !!

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